I’m a very picky reader. Because my schedule is so full, I don’t have a huge excess of time to spend sifting through the never-ending pile of self-help resources popping up on bookstore shelves. For me to invest time in a book, it has to come highly recommended by someone I trust, or it has to have a reputation for being an incredible resource. Either way, I’ll find the time to read books with transformative content. I’ve been fortunate to run across many books that meet that criteria. These are my favorites… for now (and it wasn’t easy limiting the list to 10).
Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
What It’s About: Living a balanced lifestyle requires that we have some sense of where the lines are drawn between our responsibilities and the responsibilities of others. Drs. Cloud and Townsend share insights with the reader about how to clarify and maintain positive mental, emotional, and spiritual boundaries.
Why I like it: This book is great in that it exposes the danger of life without limitations. God pre-installed our world with boundaries and consequences. When we understand and embrace that fact, we have the ability to limit our exposure to negative influences and destructive forces in our lives, and be open to new healthier realities.
Dating and the Single Parent by Ron Deal
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) Single parents who are dating or want to begin a dating relationship wonder, How will dating affect my children and my parenting? They probably have figured out that “dating in a crowd” is complicated. Now they’re looking for help. Ron Deal, who has counseled single parents and remarried couples for many years, helps single parents–as well as those who date them–navigate the potential pitfalls involved. He gives perspective on when a relationship may be harmful to the children as well as how it can be a blessing to all. Always at the forefront is the goal of strengthening families. Includes questions for individual or group study.
Why I like it: Ron is like the blended family and step-dynamic guru as far as I’m concerned. Everything he writes on this topic is hugely helpful, but this book was especially strong. It’s a fast read, and packed with helpful information. I love it when you don’t have to read through a bunch of fluff to get to the good stuff. This book is full of the good stuff.
Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find. Today, you and your mate can start fresh with the ground-breaking guidance that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs provides in this book. His revolutionary message, featured on Focus on the Family, is for anyone: in marital crisis…wanting to stay happily married…who’s feeling lonely. It’s for engaged couples…victims of affairs…pastors and counselors seeking material that can save a marriage. Using Dr. Eggerich’s breakthrough techniques, couples nationwide are achieving a brand-new level of intimacy and learning how to: – stop the Crazy Cycle of conflict – initiate the Energizing Cycle of change – enjoy the Rewarded Cycle of new passion.
Why I like it: This book has helped countless couples find a new, more positive dynamic in their marriage. During a difficult season of Wendy and my marriage about 10 years ago, this book was tremendously instrumental in our journey to a healthier relationship.
The Principle of the Path by Andy Stanley
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) Why is it that smart people with admirable life goals often end up far from where they intended to be? What if there was one simple idea that explained why so many people get lost along the way? There is. It’s called the principle of the path. And not only does it explain the disappointment and regret that characterize the lives of so many, it provides a way for you to be the exception. As you are about to discover, the principle of the path is at work in your life every single day. Once embraced, this compelling principle will empower you to identify and follow the path that leads to your desired destination. And this same principle will enable you to avoid life-wasting detours along the way.
Why I like it: As a relationship coach, I’m constantly trying to help people become more aware of this dynamic. This idea that our destinations in life are the product of the paths we take is crucial to any kind of meaningful success in life. This book is hard to put down, and you’ll find it to be a very profound and impactful read.
Safe People by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships, from friendships to romance. They help identify the nurturing people we all need in our lives, as well as ones we need to learn to avoid. Safe People will help you to recognize 20 traits of relationally untrustworthy people. Discover what makes some people relationally safe, and how to avoid unhealthy entanglements. You’ll learn about things within yourself that jeopardize your relational security. And you’ll find out what to do and what not to do to develop a balanced, healthy approach to relationships.
Why I like it: I wish the world was full of safe people, but unfortunately, there are a lot of potentially dangerous relationships out there. Drs. Cloud and Townsend use their engaging style and practical insight to help give the reader a grid for determining who is “safe.” For some reason, this book wasn’t a quick read for me… probably because there’s so much information to digest, but it was worth the time investment. Great stuff.
Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) Have a New Kid by Friday is your 5-day action plan–Monday through Friday–that really works! With his signature wit and commonsense psychology, internationally recognized family expert Dr. Kevin Leman reveals why your kids do what they do and what you can do about it–starting right now.
Why I like it: Leman is so much fun to read, and he has a great, practical viewpoint on how to connect with our kids and improve their behavior and attitude. A must read.
How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships and can solve important problems. They have discovered that uncomfortable situations can be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don’t know how to have difficult conversations, and see confrontation as scary or adversarial. Authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend take the principles from their bestselling book, Boundaries, and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships in order to:
• Show how healthy confrontation can improve relationships
• Present the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation
• Provide tips on preparing for the conversation
• Show how to tell people what you want, stop bad behavior, and deal with counterattack
• Give actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your parents, and more!
Why I like it: I hate confrontation, but sometimes it’s necessary. This book is a great resource. It gives you solid insight about why we tend to avoid these difficult conversations, as well as some very easy-to-follow strategies for how to confront well.
Anger is a Choice by Drs. Tim Lahaye and Bob Phillips
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) Anger is something everyone struggles with–whether it’s our own emotion threatening to explode out of control or the anger of others that makes us feel intimidated and afraid. But when we understand where anger comes from, how it shows or doesn’t show, then we can do something about it. Either it will control us or we will control it, because Anger Is a Choice. Best-selling authors Tim LaHaye and Bob Phillips tell us what we need to know to control the emotion of anger. They not only examine it from beginning (its origins) to end (its effects), they also help us evaluate our own “Irritability Quotient” through the Anger Inventory and other exercises throughout the book.
Why I like it: I’ve never read a more powerful book on anger. It’s an absolutely indispensable resource in my library.
Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Henry Cloud takes you through the four essential tasks of becoming a mature image-bearer of God: * Bonding to others * Separating from others * Sorting out good and bad in ourselves and others * Becoming an adult Changes That Heal not only explains and describes each task, but also identifies the problems that result when we fail to accomplish that task, and shows us what changes to make in our lives in order to bring about healing.
Why I like it: Sometimes you need a resource that takes a wide-angle view of how to improve your life. I’m all for books that target specific areas of change in our lives, but this book give you a “google earth” view of how personal change and recovery really works.
How to Argue so Your Spouse Will Listen by Dr. Sharon Morris May
What It’s About: (Publisher’s Description) If you are a couple, you’ve most likely had an argument. Big or small, it can ruin your day and, even worse, your relationship. Dr. Sharon Morris May says, “It’s not how similar you are or even your level of conflict that determines your marital success but how you deal with your emotions, vulnerabilities, and dragons when you argue.” Dr. Sharon views conflict through the lens of the attachment theory, helping us understand: why we argue, how we argue, and how to unravel our arguments.
Why I like it: Okay, so here’s the deal. If this book were an easier read, it would top my list. The content in this book will teach you more about communication than any other resource listed here. It’s not the kind of book you can read very quickly or while being around a lot of distractions. If your experience is like mine, it will require quite a bit of concentration to follow–but it’s worth it. Sharon is a genius, and this book has the potential to change your life.