Login credentials have become a significant part of our everyday lives. They keep our information safe (supposedly), and allow us access to our accounts from almost anywhere. But in many marriages, these passwords become a barrier to intimacy.
I know that we’ve all gone security crazy over the past couple of decades, and it’s quite possible you’re thinking I’m nuts to suggest married couples share their account info. But security and privacy are two different things. If a person tells me that they aren’t sharing their internet accounts with their spouse because they have reason to believe their spouse will harm them in some way, that makes sense. You need to be safe.
But when a person tells me that they aren’t giving their spouse access to their Facebook account because they deserve their privacy, I’m calling a flag on the play.
What privacy? I don’t remember that being part of the marriage deal. When I get up in the morning, my wife sees me in all my unadorned, pudgy gutted, hairy-legged, bad-breath surrounded glory. If ever there were a time when she might wish that I would want privacy… that might be it. But the truth is marriage and privacy don’t really mix.
When you choose to spend the rest of your life in emotionally and physically intimate contact with another person, transparency is simply part of what you bargain for.
[bctt tweet=”When you get married, transparency is part of what you’re signing up for.”]
My wife and I made a decision a long time ago to share our account information and passwords for email and social media accounts. There are no corners of the internet to which only I have the key. As far as I know, my wife might be accessing my Facebook right now. If she is… good for her.
I want her to feel that she has the ability to see what’s going on in my life. She can read my emails if she’d like. She can view my internet history if she wants. An invasion of my privacy? I don’t think so. It’s an invitation to intimacy.
And there’s another added benefit… by giving Wendy access to my internet activity, I have increased my accountability in this area. It reminds me not to make online decisions I wouldn’t want my wife to see. That’s a pretty strong incentive to do the right thing.
Oh, I know that we’ve all grown up hearing that “character is what you do when no one else is watching,” but character is also our willingness to invite others to examine our actions. Chaperones may be out of style in the current dating culture, but you have to admit, their presence did have a way of keeping things G rated.
I know that sharing account information isn’t always possible. Your work may have strict guidelines about your login credentials and email accounts. I’m certainly not suggesting you break those rules.
And if you’re in a relationship with an abuser or user who would use your personal information against you or harm you in some way, I’m also not suggesting you give them the keys to your online presence. I’m talking to people like me… people who have recreational accounts—personal email, Facebook, twitter, youtube, etc. People who have no good reason to block their spouse from having access.
If that’s you, I’m just making the humble suggestion that giving your spouse access to your online life may be one of the greatest ways you can build trust in your relationship.
What’s your opinion? Do you think it’s wise for spouses to share social media accounts and email?
[bctt tweet=”Do you think it’s wise for spouses to share social media accounts and email?”]
Disclaimer: This article represents nothing more than my opinion. Every individual must ultimately determine their own best course of action as it relates to their internet security.