Divorce is a devastating experience even in the best of circumstances. Individuals going through the pain of a marriage break-up experience a uniquely difficult grieving experience. It’s unlike the death of a loved one, because the person they’re losing will still be around, and they’ll have to see them… a lot. And the loss extends beyond their spouse. It’s often the loss of a home, a way of life, a routine, and a feeling of security. The family pictures that used to be displayed proudly now punctuate the pain of losing the relationship they thought they had.
The strange thing is that often when a person is going through a separation or divorce, their friends actually begin to withdraw from them. Perhaps it’s because friends or family think that they will be required to side with one person or the other. Maybe it’s because the concept of divorce makes them feel uncomfortable. Maybe (and I think this one is most likely) it’s that at some level they are also grieving the loss of the relationship. As true friends, it is easy to think of the couples we know as a unit… a family. When the family breaks up, it can feel like we’ve lost something, too. Regardless, we need to understand that divorce is not a disease. You won’t catch it from being around someone who is going through it. Your support and presence may be the crucial element that can help a friend make it through the process.
What has your experience been in helping friends and loved ones make it through the process of separation and divorce?